Planning a first date can be filled with stressful unknowns. When you’re dealing with a chronic illness, that can put even more pressure on you to get everything right. With irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), the unpredictability of a first date can skyrocket, too. Before you throw in the towel, though, you need to know you’re not alone! According to the American Gastroenterological Association (AGA), over 35 million Americans are dealing with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). While not everyone may seek medical care for their symptoms, the International Foundation for Gastrointestinal Disorders (IFFGD) notes that there are between 2.4 and 3.5 million physician visits annually for the condition. This number suggests that many people experience symptoms severe enough to require medical attention. This experience can certainly make dating difficult, but it’s not impossible. With the right plan, you can have first dates that lead to even more.
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Sometimes your symptoms flare up at around the same time every day. It’s definitely a good idea to plan your date to avoid that time of day altogether. If you feel worse in the evenings, a mid-morning or lunch date may be best. If the reverse is true, consider evening or nighttime dates. Planning a short date can also reduce the risk of an unexpected flare while easing the pressure of a long date with someone you’ve just met.
Food can be a tricky thing when you have IBS. That’s why planning a date that doesn’t involve food can take the pressure off. You also want to choose somewhere that offers easy access to the bathroom. Some ideas include an art class, a museum visit, bowling, or ice skating.
If you’d like to go on a food-related date, you have to be mindful of what’s available. While you can opt for foods you are already comfortable with, another option is to check which restaurants offer meals that fit a low-FODMAP (fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharides, and polyols) diet. Research shows that this kind of diet can be helpful in alleviating the symptoms of IBS and reducing the risk of flare-ups.
The list of foods you need to avoid on a low-FODMAP diet is long and can include wheat, rye, barley, onions, garlic, pastries, eggs, and certain crackers. You may also need to limit how much asparagus, lentils, beans, peanuts, cashews, and almonds you eat, among other things. With such a long list, it’s best to call the restaurant beforehand to confirm there are options. In some cases, simply looking at the menu online may not be enough, as the foods that can upset your stomach are hidden in sauces or marinades.
You should know, though, that the low-FODMAP diet is only a guide, and it’s certainly not a guarantee that you won’t have issues with the recommended foods. You know your body best, so if you’re not comfortable with the suggested foods, you shouldn’t eat them. If you’re not sure which foods usually trigger a flare-up, consider meeting with a health professional who can help you to identify your triggers.
Since you’re planning the date with such caution, they may wonder why you have so many stipulations or simply want to take care of everything yourself. That’s a good time to let them know what’s going on. You don’t need to get into the details, but you can let them know that having IBS can mean that you have to be careful about what you eat and where you go.
It may be tempting to try something new and exciting for your date, but that can also come with additional pressure. For example, going on a hike can lead to pretty views, but it doesn’t help if you’re worried about where the bathrooms are. Putting additional stress on yourself won’t make for a fun date for either of you. It’s a first date, so you want to be comfortable being yourself as you get to know someone. Consider planning a low-stress activity or even something that you’ve already done, so you won’t stress yourself out trying to learn something new. Being in a familiar environment can also help, as you already know where the bathrooms are.
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When you’re just getting to know someone, the last thing you likely want to talk about is IBS. The condition can bring up feelings of embarrassment, and you may not want to delve too deeply into your symptoms. However, it may affect the activities you’re comfortable with and what you’re able to eat. Talking about it initially can make it easier for your date to understand why you make certain decisions.
While you don’t have to be descriptive about your symptoms, you can mention that you have the condition. When it comes to the details, it can help to let them know that eating certain foods or doing specific activities may upset your stomach. If that happens, you’ll likely need to go home. That should be enough information for a first date. More details can come if you continue dating them.
Some people may worry that bringing up their condition so early may make it less likely for the relationship to go any further. However, this step can be integral to finding the right partner. IBS can strain relationships and intimacy, so it’s good to know that your date won’t walk away from the potential difficulty.
Although different factors can trigger IBS symptoms, research shows that being stressed can exacerbate the condition. When conducting a review of the available data, researchers found evidence that acute or chronic stress can lead to the development of IBS as well as flare-ups of the symptoms.
They suggest that stress can lead to a more sensitive digestive system, impaired secretion of certain digestive enzymes, and reduced nutrient absorption. There may even be changes in your gut microbiome that make it less healthy or balanced. Additionally, stress can alter the communication between your brain and your stomach. These changes may mean that the microorganisms in your gut act in ways that trigger IBS flare-ups.
Planning a great first date can be challenging if you have IBS. However, you have quite a few options for enjoying your time with a potential partner. While it’s good to let them know that you have the condition, it doesn’t have to be the focus of your date. Keep the time stress-free with the right activities that will set both of you at ease.
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