It doesn’t matter if it’s the beginning of the year or the end of the year, chances are you had a desire to improve your life in many areas, including romance, and finances. More often than not, some of these desired commitments take a back seat to others that appear to be less challenging to approach.
Sex lives seem to receive the least attention of all resolutions, but by remembering not to make these seven common sexual mistakes in the new year you can lead a healthy and sustaining sex life all year round.
When a sexual experience has been less than pleasurable (see #3!), many tend to keep their opinions to themselves, but when in a long-term relationship with a partner this behavior is far from beneficial. Instead of keeping your dissatisfaction a secret from your beloved, take a stand and make the decision to talk to your partner about your desire to be completely satisfied by him or her and talk about ways to solve the issue. Make sure to bring the problem to your partner in a non-threatening way (telling someone they are inadequate in the sex department can deflate an ego quickly).
By approaching the conversation with the desire to make the sexual experience better for both of you, the less than skilled partner won’t feel as if he or she is being attacked. Make the commitment to work through the issues with your partner and educate yourself on what can be done to improve while teaching your partner in the process.
Just because your skills worked on the last person, doesn’t mean they will work for the next person too, especially when it comes to sex. Most men and women who enjoy it say that communication is the best way to make sure your mate is pleased.
Communication may be basic, but so necessary. Neither one of you can read each other’s mind during sex, so speak up if there’s something that you want that he’s not delivering. There are tons of ways to verbalize it if you feel a little tongue tied, like “It’s so hot when you…” or “I’d love it if you’d try…”
This is an issue for women more so than men and is a big mistake that robs them of the opportunity to experience a climax.
Whatever may be holding you back—whether it be fear of being judged or being uncomfortable with your body—work on questioning those fears and placing them where they need to be (which is outside of the bedroom).
Holding yourself back from truly experiencing your partner may cause frustration for both parties, so if image issues or a lack of sexual confidence are reasons behind the repression of sexual expression, talk to a sex therapist, counselor, or even a sex coach to gain a fresh perspective on yourself and your sexuality in the new year.
STDs are asymptomatic and most people take on the role of assuming a person is free of infection because there are no symptoms present, but this is the worst assumption one can make. Before entering into a sexual experience with a new partner or with a previous partner that you may have been away from for a period of time, make the commitment to get tested together not only for your safety but to have a more pleasurable experience.
Both men and women tend to go into sexual situations assuming the other knows how to put on the moves to make the experience completely satisfying, but this isn’t always the case. To ensure your sexual experiences are pleasurable this year, get into the habit of speaking to your partner about your turn-ons and turn-offs. Let your partner know what he or she needs to do in order to take you to the place of ecstasy you seek.
Communication will now and forever be a key component of healthy and satisfying sexual relations.
Too many people forego the safer sex method and ditch the condom without speaking about it or without getting tested with their partners! Not only does this put one at risk for catching an STD but this also puts one at risk for unwanted pregnancy. Before deciding to practice “skin to skin” sex, speak to your partner about recent STD results and other birth control options.
STDs are prevalent in the African-American community especially herpes, HPV, and HIV which all currently have no published or known cure, according to the CDC, so choose to practice safer sex.
1. Faking Your Orgasm (or Satisfaction)
Now, I know what you’re thinking: You’re probably thinking that faking an orgasm makes him feel good, right? Wrong. This point applies to both men and women.
Ladies, please read this point very well! This is probably one of your biggest sex mistakes in bed.
Men, if you don’t want to cheat, tell that woman what she’s doing isn’t cutting it!
When you fake orgasms in bed, you’re setting yourself and your beloved up for failure. When you start faking it, your partner might be under the impression that repeating those particular actions is the way to make you orgasm.
So, your partner might end up doing the same thing over and over again every time you have sex. Can you see where this is headed?
What you should do instead: Please don’t fake your orgasms. Please don’t. If you’ve already faked it, try to muster the courage and come clean about it to your partner. Some of the best breakthroughs come after having hard conversation. Trust me! Let them know and I promise they’ll try to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.
Sexuality is free to explore and experience and in the new year everyone should make a commitment to connect and communicate with their partners in a more open and loving way. Use this new year as a way to put a spark back into your relationship.
Glamazon Tyomi is a freelance writer, model and sex educator with a deeply rooted passion for spreading the message of sex positivity and encouraging the masses to embrace their sexuality. Her website, www.sexperttyomi.com, reaches internationally as a source for advice and information for the sexually active/curious. Follow her on Twitter at @glamazontyomi.
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