Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS) affects much more than the skin. It can also affect how people feel about their bodies, their confidence, and their intimate relationships. Because HS often develops in areas like the underarms, groin, buttocks, breasts, and inner thighs, many people worry about how the condition will affect dating, sex, and physical closeness.
These worries are very common, but many people are afraid to talk about them. Some people with HS feel embarrassed to ask their doctor questions about sex or intimacy. Others worry that a partner won’t understand or might reject them because of their condition.
The good news is that you’re not alone. Many people with HS have healthy, loving relationships. While HS can make intimacy more challenging at times, it doesn’t mean it has to end. Open communication, symptom management, and building confidence can all help you feel more comfortable in your relationship. The HS Disease Source says many people with HS report that the condition affects their sexual health, body image, and relationships, making open conversations especially important.
This is one of the most common questions people ask. There isn’t one perfect time to tell a partner that you have HS. Some people choose to talk about it before becoming physically intimate, while others wait until they feel the relationship is becoming more serious. The most important thing is to choose a time when you both have privacy and aren’t feeling rushed.
You don’t have to go into a lot of detail. A simple, honest conversation is often enough. You could say something like: “I have a skin condition called HS. You can’t catch it, but it can cause painful flare-ups. I wanted to be honest with you.”
Most partners appreciate honesty. Giving someone the chance to ask questions can also help reduce misunderstandings and build trust.
Many people with HS worry that a partner will think they can “catch” the condition. Fortunately, HS is not contagious. It cannot be spread through hugging, kissing, touching, or sexual activity. The American Academy of Dermatology notes that HS is an inflammatory skin disease—not an infection that spreads from person to person. Sometimes simply explaining this can ease a partner’s concerns.
HS can leave scars, dark spots, drainage, and changes in the skin that make people feel uncomfortable with their bodies. Many people say they:
These feelings are understandable. Living with a visible skin condition can affect self-esteem, but it’s important to remember that your worth is not defined by your skin. A caring partner is more likely to focus on you as a whole person than on your HS. If negative thoughts about your appearance begin affecting your daily life, talking with a therapist or counselor may also help improve confidence and reduce anxiety.
RELATED: Top 5 Tips for HS Management
Pain during intimacy is another concern many people have. Flare-ups in sensitive areas can make certain positions uncomfortable or even impossible. The good news is that intimacy doesn’t have to look the same every time. Many couples find it helpful to:
According to myHSteam, planning around symptoms and communicating openly can help couples stay connected while reducing discomfort. Remember that intimacy is about much more than intercourse. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, massages, and spending quality time together are also important ways to maintain emotional closeness.
Some people worry that talking about pain will make things awkward. But most partners would rather know if something hurts so they can be more careful. Being honest can help you both feel more comfortable. You can say simple things like:
Talking openly helps you work together to make intimacy more comfortable for both of you.
Sometimes your partner may not know how HS affects you. They may be afraid of hurting you or may not know what to do. Talking about your needs can help them better understand how to support you. You can explain:
Most people appreciate clear communication because it helps them better support you.
While flare-ups can’t always be prevented, a few things may help you feel more comfortable before intimacy. Some people find it helpful to:
Following your treatment plan and working closely with your dermatologist can also help reduce flare-ups over time. The Mayo Clinic says early treatment can help manage symptoms and reduce complications.
Many people who advocate for those living with HS encourage you to be kind to yourself. Living with a long-term condition can be challenging, and it’s okay if intimacy looks different than it used to or different than you expected. They often remind people that:
Many people living with HS say that once they started talking openly, they felt less anxious and more connected to their partners.
It’s easy to let HS take center stage in your thoughts, especially during a flare-up. But your partner sees much more than your condition. They see your personality, your kindness, your humor, your strengths, and everything else that makes you who you are. HS is only one part of your life. It does not determine whether you’re lovable, attractive, or worthy of intimacy.
If HS is causing severe pain during sex, making intimacy impossible, or leading to depression, anxiety, or relationship problems, don’t hesitate to bring it up with your healthcare team. Dermatologists understand that HS affects quality of life—not just the skin. They may be able to adjust your treatment plan or refer you to other specialists, such as a pelvic health physical therapist, pain specialist, mental health professional, or sexual health counselor if needed.
RELATED: How Severe Can Hidradenitis Suppurativa Get? – BlackDoctor
These conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, but they are an important part of your care. Many people with HS have questions about sex and relationships but are too embarrassed to ask them. The truth is that these concerns are common, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
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