Gentle Parenting Is Becoming The Go-To Parenting Style, But Is It Best?

Respect and empathy are stressed in parenting, but it isn’t easy.

Gentle parenting is like parenting’s Goldilocks. Nor too strict, nor too lax. It advises parents to respect children’s feelings and create limits. The gentle parenting movement, which has grown in popularity for almost a decade, has much to appreciate.

The primary downside: Gentle parenting needs patience and tranquility, which few parents have when they’re late to drop-off. It may be worth trying: Gentle parenting may make kids happier and more confident, say experts.

What Is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle parenting stresses compassion, respect, and understanding. Setting healthy, age-appropriate limits is also encouraged.

“The emphasis is very much on being responsive to your child’s emotions,” says UTHealth Houston Children’s Learning Institute associate professor Cathy Guttentag, Ph.D. “Respect your child’s needs and satisfy them in a good, affirming manner.”

Although gentle parenting concepts have been around for a while, the word is frequently credited to Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who authored The Gentle Parenting Book in 2016.

RELATED: ‘Soft Mom Era’? Tips for Busy Moms to Live The Soft Life

Characteristics Of Gentle Parents

Gentle parenting emphasizes four main points:

• Respect
• Empathy
• Understanding
• Boundary setting

“Respect for the kid is key to gentle parenting,” adds Guttentag. “That doesn’t imply you treat or expect them to behave like adults. It shows you value them as a child.”

But that doesn’t imply letting your youngster do everything. She thinks gentle parenting sets expectations and keeps your kid and others safe.

From our partner

People 16+ years old struggling with lupus: Find out if the PHOENYCS FLY Study may be for you. Study-related care provided at no cost.

Pros Of Gentle Parenting

Gentle parenting may help children:

• Develop solid parent-child relationships. According to a study, empathetic parents are more likely to connect with their children.
• Reduce anxiety and tension. “Parents who exhibit a comprehension of their child’s thoughts and emotions also tend to produce children who are more secure and can better handle stress,” says University of Virginia psychology research scholar Jessie Stern, Ph.D.
• Respect others. Guttentag states “Children whose parents are gentler [are] likely to have strong self-esteem and regard and empathy for others.”

Cons Of Gentle Parenting

The drawbacks of gentle parenting can be:

• Finding out what’s troubling your kid might be difficult. Not every toddler or young kid can articulate what’s bothering them, so you may have to investigate.
• It takes time. If you’re late, tell your youngster to put on shoes “because I said so. “That’s reasonable. After all, not all parents have 15 minutes to get their kids to wear shoes.
• You must keep calm. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done. “You could get the sense that the gentle parent is meant to be totally emotionally controlled, and your kid should never see you unhappy or furious,” explains Guttentag. “That’s unrealistic.”
• Some evidence-based methods are avoided. Research supports sanctions, praise, and incentives as effective parenting strategies. Not having these tools may make handling tough behavior harder.
• Attention to undesirable actions may intensify them. Praise and rewards for good conduct might help parents avoid rewarding outbursts.

Gentle Parenting Vs. Authoritative Parenting

Gentle parenting is at the center of the parenting continuum, from harsh authoritarian to uninvolved. Guttentag equates it with authoritative parenting, which balances warmth and firmness.

Gentle parenting is more flexible than authoritarian parenting but more disciplined than permissive parenting, which tends to have fewer restrictions.

Gentle parenting contrasts with helicopter parenting by allowing children to choose when ready.

RELATED: 30 Little Things That Mean A Lot To Kids

Examples Of Gentle Parenting

Gentle parents attempt to comprehend their child’s emotions and feelings that affect conduct. The practice may look like this:

• Your exhausted kid is tantruming. Consider why they act out and put them to sleep instead of punishing them.
• Your three-year-old is awaiting a sibling. Before and after the baby arrives, you spend more time with them to anticipate their emotional needs.
• Your kid had another tantrum. Stay calm and model the conduct you desire from your kid instead of losing your cool, which is easy.

How To Be A Gentle Parent

A gentle parent sets clear limits and disciplines their kid properly without embarrassing or hitting them. This method requires parents to self-regulate before acting.

For instance, you wouldn’t be furious if your kid slaps a sibling. Instead, simply remove them and say, “No striking. It hurts to hit.” Stern suggests that parents should imitate calmness rather than screaming, slapping, or condemning.

From our partner

Join a Study, Help Future Patients. Researchers are studying a potential treatment for HER2+ metastatic breast cancer. Find out if you may qualify

Gentle Parenting Techniques

Stern advises bringing a meltdown-prone kid to a quiet spot to settle down. You may need to comfort them by deep breathing or massaging their back or shoulders.

Stern says, “A youngster who is yelling or angry actually can’t take in information via their prefrontal brain,” so be calm. “They can’t reason till they’re quiet.”

Stern suggests showing empathy by identifying emotions (“I understand your anger at your sister”), validating them (“It’s understandable that you’re unhappy”), and providing boundaries (“It’s never good to hit”). It would help if you were accessible when they calm down (“I will be here when you are ready”).

You may also assist your kid in “fixing” a connection by urging them to apologize when calm.

Gentle Parenting Discipline

Instead of a time out, a kind parent may use a “time in.” Stern suggests sitting on a sofa until your youngster calms down.

She describes it as an empathic discipline.

You might discuss anger management with your kid later. Say something like, “Hitting hurts loved ones. You may express your anger with words, not hands, “Stern says.

Does Gentle Parenting Work?

For the most part. Gentle parenting balances severe and loose parenting, focusing on warmth, firmness, and authority.

Gentle parenting is said to make children happier and more emotionally secure. Stern adds, “A youngster who has received empathy and respect from their parents is likelier to demonstrate empathy and respect to others.”