When you think about daycare, you’re likely envisioning all the fun things your child will learn and the new relationships they’ll form. One thing that might not occur to you is that some children have separation anxiety when they start daycare. While some children move on from it quickly, others need a little more help to let go. That’s where you come in. With the right skills, you can guide your child to make the best of their daycare experience.
Your child’s reaction to being in daycare might feel chaotic, so you need to respond with a routine. Attach going to daycare to an activity that will ground them before the change. You can tell them that you’re saying goodbye after they have their snack or put their bag down. Telling them when you’ll be back can also help. For example, you can tell them that you’ll see them again after they’ve had their afternoon nap. Once you’ve said goodbye, you should leave. Lingering not only makes the separation harder, but it can also make them wonder if you don’t think they’re safe either. Under no circumstances should you sneak out of the daycare.
Your child is feeling some big emotions, and while it may not feel like a significant thing to you, it helps them when you commiserate. You can acknowledge that they’re scared of being in a new environment and don’t want to be away from you. Tell them that you’ll miss them too, and repeat when you’ll be back for them.
It’s not easy to maintain your composure when your child is having a meltdown. If you lose your cool or yell at them, though, it will only make things worse. Not only are they in a strange place, but their parent or guardian is now upset with them for something they can’t control. You also shouldn’t cry in front of them, as this gives them the impression that you’re scared too and don’t trust the caregivers.
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When you’ve returned for them, make time to talk about how their day went. The evening after daycare can be a great way to gauge how well things are going and if there’s anything extra that you need to bring up with the caregivers.
You told them at drop-off that you would miss them, so it’s great to show them that you’re happy to see them when it’s time to pick them up. The celebration doesn’t have to be a big deal, either. It can be as simple as a tight hug and singing their favorite songs with them on the way home. Your child just needs to make the connection that being apart can be sad, but it’s only temporary. You’ll always come back for them, and it will be a happy time.
Health professionals define social anxiety as excessive worry and fear that’s associated with being apart from family members. A lot of children experience some amount of separation anxiety between 18 months and three years of age, but it doesn’t last as long as the kind that causes concern. Usually, the symptoms have to last for four weeks or more before you need to talk to a professional.
Some of the symptoms of social anxiety in children include refusing to sleep alone, being in severe distress when they’re away from family, refusing to go to school, worrying excessively about the safety of family, having repeated nightmares about separation, being fearful of being left alone, having frequent stomach aches, being extremely clingy when at home, and worrying a lot when having to sleep away from home.
While some of these symptoms may also be associated with other mental health conditions, it’s important to note that social anxiety disorder (SAD) is most likely to flare up during a break from school or when something changes. If your child’s symptoms show no improvement regardless of what you do to ease them into the new daycare, it’s best to get a professional involved. That’s because SAD can’t be managed without medical intervention. The condition is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs to be addressed using a combination of therapy and medication.
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Though separation anxiety can be a definite concern when you’re leaving your child at daycare for the first time, it’s not necessarily the real culprit. Sometimes, the daycare is simply a bad fit for your child. If their behavior changes drastically when they’re not with you, that could be a problem. For example, if the caregiver reports that your child is throwing tantrums when they don’t usually do that or that they’re sullen when they’re jovial at home, you should keep an eye on them.
It’s normal for children to cry when they’re left at daycare for the first few days, but if they’re still crying when you’re weeks in, something might be wrong. The same is true if your child insists that they feel sick every time they need to go to daycare.
Unless your child is known for being a picky eater, being told that your child isn’t eating while at daycare could be a sign that they’re not happy there. Before making any judgments, you can try switching up your child’s meals and talking to them about why they’re not eating.
Although habits can change over time, your child shouldn’t immediately pick up anxiety-based habits at daycare. These new habits can include chewing on their hair, biting their nails, and scratching. If you see these stress responses while they’re at daycare, you should make a note if they appear at home or anywhere else. When they only happen at a particular location, that’s a sign that something is happening there that’s triggering your child’s anxiety.
Another sign to look out for is the sudden appearance of frequent nightmares. Sometimes they may be able to tell you what the dreams were about, but that’s not always possible. However, new nightmares should always be a concern.
It’s best to talk to your child about their experience at daycare. You can ask questions about what they enjoy and what they don’t. Of course, you need to let them know that it’s safe to be honest and they won’t be in any trouble for expressing themselves. Depending on their answers, you may also want to talk to the daycare caregivers about the situation, as they may be able to address the issues that your child is dealing with. If not, it may be time to find a new daycare.
For many families, daycare is an integral part of a child’s development. Unfortunately, taking that step can also highlight mental health issues like separation anxiety. While you can use the tips above to ease your child’s discomfort, it’s important to know when to get a therapist involved. A therapist can lead the charge toward a diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
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