In one of our more popular articles, 9 Things a Man Wants to Hear, we discussed all of the things guys wished their women would tell them. From that article, we received a lot of feedback from both men and women that discussed what men really want.
So we surveyed over 100 men again and found some similarities when it comes to their sexual fantasies. Here are the top 7.
There’s something very rugged, primal and organic about having sex in a forest or in a field because you’re doing something natural in the most elemental place — in nature. And the men who love nature will easily start fantasizing about having sex in the wild. It could be the fantasy of being in the middle of the forest while the morning dew is beating on his back, on the beach, or at the base of a mountain.
Another reason that this is a great fantasy is because it’s the exact opposite of clean and fresh sheets in a hotel room setting — which is one of a woman’s favorite places to have sex and therefore one of the most common places many men have sex. Being out in the middle of nature without having to be so formal or “buttoned up” feels raw and “king-of-the-jungle”-like, and that’s what makes it hot.
Now, there’s a difference between having sex in the wild and having sex in public. The main difference is people. People that can see you–that’s the thrill many men want. It’s the thrill of being watched or discovered that makes this another common male fantasy. Experts say the idea of exhibitionism or the taboo of potentially getting caught, seen, and overheard adds sexual excitement.
Acting out this fantasy in real life is somewhat risky, as sex and nudity in public places can lead to legal consequences (not to mention embarrassment), but Kerner says you can get a similar sexual charge without actually being in a public place.
Men fantasize about having threesomes, foursomes, and more because they want a purely sexual experience that is more animal than it is relational. There’s implied monogamy in most relationships, but threesomes and orgies open up that monogamous relationship to allow sex with others and at the same time, close out the personal feelings you have about a long-term partner. Feelings about the future and commitment aren’t usually present in these sexual fantasies. It’s really all about sex with multiple partners, simultaneously. In real life, sometimes men feel that they want a threesome rather than a foursome or more because they can control the relationships outside of the bedroom after the sex act is completed. I hear from my readers who go beyond their threesome fantasies into real-life threesomes that the relationships that derive from threesomes often lead to the breakups of the original couple. This is one fantasy that doesn’t usually work in real life, long term; it’s a great fantasy, but a not-so-great experience if you’re married or in a committed relationship.
A lot of straight men often fantasize about sex with an older woman who knows her body so well that the sex is incredible because of her ease and absence of inhibition. Women who’ve gained experience over the years also tend to know a man’s body better than younger women do. There isn’t the same pressure to get married or define the relationship and that makes the sex carefree and unencumbered, and she appreciates a man’s body more because of his youth — and sees the big picture, not just a little love handle situation going on, that younger women with “standards” might scoff at. The older woman usually has her own money and a nicer place than younger women — or even the guy doing the fantasizing — so being wined and dined and whisked up to a private penthouse love shack is part of the fantasy fun. This is a fantasy that’s about sex and luxury with no strings attached.
For some men, the fantasy of domination, or having total power over their partner in a sexual situation, can be quite arousing, Kerner says. These types of fantasies typically include bondage, spanking, dirty talk, receiving oral sex, as well as other forms of
expression. Getting a little Fifty Shades action going with your partner can be a lot of fun as long as it’s consensual. Yet you can even be dominating with your words and inside the mind. Yet that sometimes can lead to manipulation and abuse if you’re not careful.
Role-playing during sex can be extremely hot, fun and mind-blowing and is common among couples who want to push the envelop in the bedroom while living rather mundane lives outside the bedroom. It’s a way to build intimacy and trust with your partner, while also having incredible orgasms.
Sex expert and commentator Colleen Singer puts it like this: “Role-playing can take many forms, ranging from living out a secret fantasy, to more elaborate games with actual storylines and costumes. If you’ve been with the same person for a long time, sometimes you just need a little extra fire in the bedroom – and that is OK. One very effective way to do this is role-playing.”
Dr. Dawn Michael — a clinical sexologist, relationship expert and author — adds that in its most authentic form, role-playing is simply “taking on a character other than yourself and acting it out, playing a role.”
Many men enjoy sexual fantasies in which the man is more of a passive player. “A lot of men enjoy being submissive,” Kerner says. “It runs contrary to the way they experience their lives outside the bedroom. They enjoy being tied up, teased, tantalized, and spanked. It’s about feeling like you surrender control.”
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