I used to be that girl who used sex to fill voids in my life. I enjoyed attention and supplemented my own self hatred with the adoration I got from men because of my plump lips and flirtatious ways.
When my ex-boyfriend rejected me, I called up my friend-with-benefits to satisfy my emptiness. I didn’t think about the possibilities of my reckless behavior.
I used protection with my friend but with my ex, I showed him that “I loved him” by letting him mistreat me and not wear a condom. Needless to say, he was less than faithful and possibly put me in a bad position. It was as if I had a death wish.
Just days before my 20th birthday, I sat in my favorite nail salon in Brooklyn. I had just gotten my lashes done for the first time and one person was working on my nails while the other worked on my feet. The royalty feeling I had didn’t last long before my phone rang.
“Ms. Clarke, this is Dr. McMillian’s office. There was an abnormality with your pap smear results. When can you come in?”
When I heard those words, my world fell a part.
I went to the doctor as soon as I could.
“You’ve contracted HPV.”
According to the CDC:
Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is transmitted through intimate skin-to-skin contact. You can get HPV by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has the virus. It is most commonly spread during vaginal or anal sex. HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI). Anyone who is sexually active can get HPV, even if you have had sex with only one person. HPV is so common that nearly all sexually active men and women get it at some point in their lives. HPV can be passed even when an infected person has no signs or symptoms. You can develop symptoms years after you have sex with someone who is infected, making it hard to know when you first became infected.
HPV has over 150 types that can cause symptoms varying from warts to cancer.
My pap smear showed abnormal mutations that indicated the possibility of cervical cancer. He did a biopsy to find out whether I had cervical cancer or not.
I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t believe that I put myself in a position to get this or any infection. I played with my life and I feared that my game would be over sooner rather than later.
The biopsy came back benign but he indicated that the Gardasil vaccination that I opted to take just before the pap smear possibly prevented cancer. Gardasil and Cervarix are both vaccines used to prevent HPV in young women between ages 11 and 26 and young men between ages 11 and 21.
He removed the infected tissue from my cervix through cryotherapy (freezing the cell).
I had the task of calling my sexual partners which was one of the hardest parts of this ordeal. I labeled myself a whore because I couldn’t truly identify who gave it to me.
Listening to their reactions made me want to crawl under a rock. Even worse, a year later, I had to tell my husband about my sexual history. Though he didn’t judge me, I judged myself.
STDs and STIs are preventable if we value ourselves and our bodies. Just like we are careful with what we eat and how we care for ourselves, it is important to be careful of who we sleep with and how we sleep with them.
The love may be good; he/she may make you feel like the only person in the world but that feeling cannot compare to the feeling of knowing that you are healthy and safe. There are too many protective measures that can be taken to avoid the possibility of contracting HPV or any other disease.
My experience with HPV was indicative of my low self-esteem. Since that scare, I have changed the way I think of myself and my body. It is my duty to protect it, not only for me but for my family. I’ve allowed myself to love an amazing man, learned how to put my trust in God and I am working toward becoming a role model for my daughter.
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