Generally, people wait for one relationship to end before getting into another one. However, that doesn’t always happen. For various reasons, they may try to start a new connection before their current one has run its course. When this happens, it’s called ‘monkey branching,’ and it may be more common than you think. Here’s how to figure out if it’s happening in your relationship.
In some circles, monkey branching is also known as monkey-barring. While neither term is new, there’s been a resurgence on social media that suggests the behavior may be surging. Monkey branching is the term that’s used to define when someone in a relationship starts to strike up other connections without ending their current one. It’s meant to mirror a monkey’s behavior, where it holds on to one branch before letting go of the first. Swinging from one branch to another ensures that monkeys never fall.
Although the term is based on monkeys’ behaviors, the idea is similar when it comes to relationships. Someone who’s trying to form a relationship while still involved with their partner is trying to ensure that they can easily move into another commitment. While some may question whether or not this means cheating, there is always some overlap between relationships. This usually entails emotional infidelity, even if the interactions haven’t become physical yet.
The most important thing to note is that monkey branching is intentional. The people who do it don’t suddenly realize they’re interested in someone else. They are seeking out people to build relationships with. Additionally, they aren’t waiting until their current relationship has started to wane or has ended to meet someone new.
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As you may expect, if your partner is monkey branching, there are usually a few common signs. Your partner may become more secretive about who they’re talking to, so that can include adding passwords to their devices or certain apps, turning away from you when texting or taking calls in private, and getting defensive if you ask who they’re in contact with.
Monkey branching can result in your partner creating emotional distance from you. If that happens, they may have no interest in talking about your relationship’s future, share less with you about what’s happening in their lives, or seem preoccupied more than usual. Additionally, they may be less interested in resolving any conflicts in your relationship. Instead, they’ll start to accept that certain aspects of it will never change.
While there’s nothing innately wrong with your partner meeting new people, they may be more secretive about and protective of the person they’re forming a connection with. That means they may backtrack if you ask about a new friend or colleague that they mentioned. They may also get defensive if you press them for more information. If your partner uses social media, their behavior might change. They may be more active but less engaged with you. When they post, they’re sharing less and less about your relationship or you.
Finally, partners who are monkey branching may have unexplained changes in their schedule. They may suddenly be absent from a scheduled event or come home later than planned. If they used to invite you to work events or social gatherings with their friends and loved ones, that may change. If asked about the change, their answers may be vague.
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The main problem with monkey branching is that it’s based on deception. Even before forming a connection, it means that your partner is actively seeking out someone else for a relationship. This weakens the trust and bond in the current relationship. As they form a deeper attachment, it’s impossible to maintain the same level with you. Typically, this leads to the end of your relationship, but that doesn’t mean it won’t affect you in other ways.
The impact of being with a partner who is monkey branching can be significant. Not only is it hurtful, but you can also develop feelings of low self-esteem, self-doubt, uncertainty, and abandonment. According to some relationship experts, people who have gone through monkey branching often end up blaming themselves and wondering what they did to encourage their former partners’ bad behavior.
Unsurprisingly, after being betrayed by someone you care about, it’s normal to start wondering whether this is something you should expect from all future partners. This can make it harder for you to enter new relationships.
The way forward with a partner who is monkey branching usually depends on different factors. If you catch the signs of your partner’s search for someone else, you may be able to intervene easily. Experts recommend couples and individual therapy to help you get back on the right path if that’s what both of you want.
You may question whether you want to save a relationship where your partner has essentially cheated, but the answer may not be as simple as you think. According to psychologists, partners who try to form new attachments while committed haven’t necessarily lost interest in their current partners. Some people monkey branch because they have issues with commitment, security, or self-worth. Their attachment styles may mean they don’t feel secure only receiving validation from one person.
People who have a fear of abandonment and being alone are also most likely to seek out other connections. They’re so convinced that you’re going to leave them eventually that they try to fill the gap before it even exists. That’s not a reflection on you or your commitment to them. This is an issue that they need to address with a therapist.
Of course, some people are simply chasing the high of falling in love and being in a new relationship. Again, this isn’t something that you can fix. Long-term relationships won’t offer that same high regardless of how you work at maintaining your connection. They aren’t meant to. If your partner is seeking this kind of feeling, then they need to work on themselves with a therapist’s guidance.
If your partner is now highly invested in someone else, though, it may make it less likely that your relationship will survive. Still, it’s a good idea to have a conversation with them so you can move forward. Even if it’s the end, you need to take care of yourself.
Monkey branching is far from a new term, but it may be happening more often. If you notice any signs that it’s happening in your relationship, it’s best to talk to your partner and address the issues early. Experts often recommend therapy to help heal your connection, but even if that isn’t the answer, you’ll know that it’s time to walk away.
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