Alright now, I’m sure the title alone has pulled you in and now you are intrigued. So since you’re here, let’s talk. When you read the title, you were probably like, “Who is she talking to like that?” Or you may have been like, “Hmm, carry on”. Either way, before you start cussing me out, just hear me out. My fellow Black parents…it’s time to hold ourselves accountable. Like truly, because we do indeed be stressing these kids out. So often Black parents can get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we forget that kids are people with thoughts and feelings as well.
As Black parents, we sometimes unknowingly create overstimulated environments, emotional stress, and physical stress. We also project adult issues and concerns (we will dive a little deeper into this later in the article) onto our kids. In this article, you’ll find two things to be true. Parents are unknowingly stressing their kid out and your child may be showing signs of stress right before you.
Your child may exemplify these signs due to stress:
Has your child exemplified any of these signs recently? If so, It may be a good time to talk to your child about how they’re feeling. Let’s jump into what contributes to your child’s stress.
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What Black parents need to STOP doing:
I can’t express enough that tone matters! Kids are sensitive to the feelings, thoughts and reactions of their parents. Be mindful of how you speak to your child.
Overstimulation is a feeling of being overwhelmed by sensory input from the environment. Some triggers can be loud noises or multiple sources of noise at once. Have you ever had super loud music playing in the morning, while yelling and screaming at your child to wake up and get ready for school? Or how about constantly having strong aromas (candles, diffusers, sprays, etc.) in your home? Is your living space super crowded/cluttered and not in order? Yup, all these factors can create overstimulated environments.
Believe it or not, this strains the parent-child relationship. It diminishes the child’s self-worth and it breeds a pessimistic (tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen) outlook on the world.
You know what grinds my gears? Adults are always so quick to say “stay in a child’s place” but are consistently having adult conversations around their kids. Well, you put them in the business when you decided to talk about finances, sexual jokes or interactions, and other “grown folk business.” Let’s normalize setting boundaries.
Kids are like sponges, as they soak up what goes on and what’s being said around them. Kids also pay very close attention, more often than you think. They notice you speaking on bills that are due, how tired you are from work, etc. Eventually, your worries, anxieties and stressors will become theirs if you’re not mindful of how you release your own stressors.
You know the saying “Now that you know better, do better?” I feel like as parents, we are continuously learning every single day and that’s perfectly ok! Let’s talk about what we can do better as Black parents.
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What Black parents need to do MORE of:
Some ways to do this would be to do morning stretches, yoga or breathing exercises. Each morning I ask my kids what they are thankful for (practicing gratitude) and have them say their daily affirmations. This shapes our attitude and thinking for the day.
The small things matter, like making eye contact, showing empathy, listening without interrupting, and asking questions after your child is finished speaking.
This way, your child knows what is required of them in all situations and aspects. Communicate effectively and be consistent.
Celebrating accomplishments, big or small! I’m big on this. Praising your child’s efforts and hard work gives them confidence and newfound motivation. It also encourages good and consistent behavior and builds resilience.
Let me just say this, It’s ok to feel! Especially in the Black community. Stop telling your black son “boys don’t cry”…feeling, showing and expressing emotion is OK!
Before I leave you, I wanted to share some tips on how you can help your child cope during stressful times.
I hope you found this article to be impactful, insightful and helpful. For more articles on parenting, click here.
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