4 Steps to Bridging the Gap in Dating

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of hosting a workshop at The University of Illinois Champaign – Urbana Women of Color Conference. I had the pleasure of sitting in on Dr. Nameka Bates Keynote address and one of the major things that stood out in her speech is how far we are coming when it comes to unity but how far we have to go when it comes to the dynamics of dating within the black community.

I, Danielle Mitchell, am an African American woman who has only gotten my heart broken by a black man. My story is not uncommon but more so the norm when it comes to African Americans, regardless of education level. African Americans according to studies are one of the most loyal when it comes to dating within our race, so my story is the norm.

While we are in a surge of a new civil rights movement and organizations are popping up left and right, let’s not forget to discuss and hold to a higher standard, the dynamics between romance within the black men and black women.

Today let’s cover 4 steps to bridging the gap in dating:

1. Accountability 
In the black community, we sometimes rely on generational curses as a crutch to why we can’t fix certain issues. Those days need to be long gone and we all need to improve on our self-accountability.

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We are able to have online discussions, in person panels and have access to documentaries discussing the

severe issues of dealing with broken and toxic romantic relationships.

Think to yourself, have you played a part in making someone have trust issues? Have you used a person before? How do you plan to right those wrongs and more importantly, prevent yourself from doing so again to another person?

2. Ignorance is no longer an excuse.
We are no longer able to use the fact that we did not know as a reason why we cause emotional harm to another person. If you were raised to a single parent, an abusive father or any other less than ideal situation it is on you to handle your demons and gain some insight on the matter.

Google is your best friend. We are at a time where we can’t rely on not knowing the answer. We can literally google solutions for much of what we will go through in life.

Ask Friends and Family for help and their opinion on sensitive matters. Get help to heal from your less than ideal upbringing. We have resources for you to get counseling from apps such as Talk Space to Nation Wide Directories such as Therapy For Black Girls.

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3. Know The Signs Of A Narcissist.
Understand that everyone does not want help and everyone does not want to be saved. I know one of the major issues both sexes deal with is the aftermath of dealing with a narcissist. I think its time we discuss the

traits so that more people are aware of what to stay away from. Here are the top ten signs according to Psychology Today.

1.  Conversation Hoarder.
   
   2. Conversation Interrupter.
   
   3. Rule Breaker.
   
   4. Boundary Violator.
   
   5. False Image Projection.
   
   6. Entitlement.
   
   7. Charmer.
   
   8. Grandiose Personality.
   
   9. Negative Emotions.
   
   10. Manipulation: Using Others As Extension of Self.

4. The positivity effects of treating your woman right. 
I want to end this post talking about the positive effects of doing right by your mate. According to Marriage.com, they list 4 positive health benefits of a thriving marriage.

1. General Health. Having someone who you are going through life with is powerful. You want to hold yourself accountable to be healthy and make it through an entire lifetime with them.
2. Less Risky Behavior. Before you follow the crowd and do something that you might regret you stop and think about what you may be potentially losing at home. Having a spouse and kids may save you from yourself and a lot of the risky behaviors your single person would do.
3. Longevity. According to Marriage.com, “Due to the better general health and better lifestyle choices, it is understandable that the longevity of happily married couples is longer than those who are either unhappily married or single.”
4. Married People Age More Happily. According to Marriage.com, “Happily married couples generally don’t have as many insecurities about aging as unmarried people do. People in happy relationships know that their partners love and care for them, even if they don’t remain as attractive as they once were. Their relationship bond is strong and their physical appearance makes a little difference. Therefore aging is not something that happily married couples frown upon.”

I love us for real and I am excited for the mending and community building we will continue to do!

Danielle Mitchell is an International Marketing Strategist and founder of Average Black Girl. At Average Black Girl, the mission is to create more black millionaires through marketing, web design, product management and securing partnerships. Connected with Average Black Girl is her partner brand called Melanin Business. Melanin Business is a free global business directory that is free to sign up, add a business and leave a review.