If you are in a relationship and you feel unhappy and unfulfilled, you may find yourself contemplating whether or not you should end the relationship or continue to try to make it work. It’s normal to have second thoughts about relationships. However, if you find yourself dwelling on the idea of moving on, you might want to take your thoughts seriously. In fact, it might just be time to let go.
Deciding whether or not to break up with someone you love can feel like torture. The longer you have been in the relationship, the harder the decision becomes. A decision to break up can be further complicated if your partner is giving you some of what you need, but is unable to provide you with the things that matter most to you. Let me explain.
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Suppose you are dating someone who is easygoing. There is low drama in your relationship and the other person is consistently there for you. All good, right? But, let’s say you feel something big is missing. You might not have a significant emotional connection. The relationship may be lacking passion or you may no longer feel attracted to them.
Your relationship may have reached the point where you do not communicate anymore. Maybe you no longer look forward to interacting because you don’t feel connected to one another. Maybe it is not a good support system for you. You don’t feel the love. You don’t feel that the other person is fully present in your life.
But your relationship is fine. Not a mess, no chaos; just not that rewarding. Are these valid reasons to let go and move on?
Yes and no.
Yes, you should move on if it just isn’t working for you. For instance, if you have communicated that you need certain things to feel secure, but your partner has failed to change, compromise, reciprocate or understand where you are coming from, this is a sign to re-evaluate the relationship.
No, if you have explained how you feel and the two of you are working to make things better. If you are trying to change the relationship, this could take time. And if both of you are vested in seeing things through, your relationship may improve significantly. Give it some time and see how things look after the two of you have put in the work on what you want to improve in the relationship.
1. Your heart is not in the relationship and your intuition is telling you to move on.
A clear sign it’s time to end a relationship is when your heart tells you to do so. It is easy to overthink your feelings. The mind can create paralysis analysis when you are constantly looking to solve a relationship dilemma. Your mind can play to your fears about being alone. The mind will focus on what you are losing by leaving the relationship. Common obsessive thoughts include the fear of being lonely, apprehension about not finding love again, lifestyle changes or inertia about making a life change.
Your mind can easily create more fear and scenarios than may even come into play. And while such thoughts and feelings can be valid, your intuition is usually a more accurate guide. Your heart will tell you what you feel often before your mind is ready to accept and embrace this truth. The mind will usually justify and negotiate, but the heart is clear. The heart doesn’t lie. Your heart will give you clear indicators that something does not feel right, something important is lacking, and you need to move on. The heart is a passive voice, but this is our emotional intuition and can place us on the right path.
When your heart is urging you to step out on faith and move away from someone, don’t ignore it. Avoid the temptation to drown out intuition with your mind, which will keep you mired in inaction.
2. Being with your partner is causing you more emotional pain and discontent than happiness.
If you are really unhappy in your relationship and have been for a long time, it is time to go. No one is responsible for your happiness, but if someone is taking away from your happiness, that is a real problem. No relationship is happy all of the time. That’s unrealistic. But if you are unhappy with someone the majority of the time you might want to re-evaluate. This is a clear indication it is time to decide if this relationship is the right one for you.
3. Your partner is not fully present in your life.
If he or she is not working to improve their presence in your life, even though you have made repeated efforts to give them a chance to improve, that’s another telling sign it’s time to consider moving on.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. However when the negatives outweigh the positives, it’s probably time to let go.
Elizabeth Overstreet, ‘The Relationship Investigator,’ is the author of “The Relationship Investigator’s Fast Guide to Successful Dating.” Follow her blog here.
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