Kissing is something we all do. It’s also something we all want to do with someone that we love. And for most of us, it’s something that we want to do more of, but what happens when we aren’t doing enough of it? This topic of kissing begs the questions, when was the last time you kissed, are you kissing enough, and are you kissing the right way?
Kissing has neurological effects that increase your bond and sense of attachment to your partner. That’s because when your lips touch, your brain releases feel-good, bonding chemicals like oxytocin, seratonin and the pleasure hormone, dopamine.
Dopamine is the same hormone released with the use of drugs or sugar. Yes, kissing produces that same hormone release.
Wet kisses actually help you exchange important hormones like testosterone. Famous anthropologist, Helen Fisher, reported that 90% of the world’s population engaged in kissing and most use the tongue.
Yet, it makes neurological sense that kissing can fade away in long-term relationships. You have three sexual systems designed to land a mate: your lust system, romance system and attachment system.
Kissing is primarily used during the lust and romance phase of relationship development. It’s used to attract and keep a potential mate. Kissing helps you know if you’re compatible. So once you’ve established a commitment and moved into the next phase of your relationship, attachment, it makes sense that you might kiss less.
But just because it makes sense doesn’t mean that it should stay that way.
Most kisses shared may be short and sweet. Perhaps you are running off to work, in the middle of cooking, or about to go to sleep. Lengthening kisses to six seconds could be a key to a better relationship.
The 6-second kiss rule was coined by Dr. John Gottman, a marriage and family therapist, author and researcher who co-founded The Gottman Institute with his wife, clinical psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman. A study of 70,000 people in 24 countries conducted by sociologists for the self-help relationship book, “The Normal Bar” determined that small gestures to show love throughout the day have a major impact on couples’ long-term happiness and success.
“People who really enjoy their sex life generally do these small things that have nothing to do with what goes on in the bedroom,” Dr. Gottman, 81, shared bluntly.
It all comes down to activities that boost oxytocin in the brain, he says. Kissing for at least 6 seconds or hugging for 20 seconds both trigger the release of oxytocin, which helps couples bond and feel trusting of each other. Plus, experts say, changing routines and creating intimacy rituals can strengthen relationships.
When couples stop kissing, it can lead to a decline in emotional and physical intimacy, potentially weakening the bond and making it harder to communicate effectively, leading to misunderstandings and difficulties in resolving conflicts.
Here’s a more detailed look at the potential consequences:
If you want to lip kiss but want to avoid infections, here are a few tips to follow:
Avoid kissing when you or another person is sick with a fever or cold.
Avoid kissing anyone when you or they have an active problematic area such as having cold sore, warts, or ulcers around the lips or mouth.
Maintain good oral hygiene by brushing and flossing teeth daily.
Stay up to date on your vaccinations. Vaccines can prevent some infections such as the flu and hepatitis B infection.
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