It was the middle of the day and I was in bed sobbing. I sent a text to one of my closest friends asking for relationship advice. For the fiftieth time, her response was, “It’s time to leave.”
Hearing what I already knew broke me down even more. I thought this was the ‘love of my life’, how could yet another relationship fail? I couldn’t see how my attachment to making this relationship work was worrying me into an early grave.
Constantly sobbing on the bathroom floor, at my friend’s house, in bed, on the phone, while watching TV was driving my blood pressure through the roof. I had migraines and intense anxiety attacks. My body was so exhausted, all I could do was sleep. My blood pressure started spiking to 220/174 and I was having sharp pains from the front to the back of my head nonstop. The pain was so intense I stopped resisting and took myself to the ER.
When I finally went to the doctor they were surprised (and elated) that I hadn’t stroked out. I was stressed to barely nothing and in my need to look like I “had it all together” I fell apart.
I remember having yet another argument with my then partner that made me realize that we were both bringing toxic energy into the space. Something in me said, “Love, it’s time to move on.” I saw clearly that…
… hanging on so hard to this relationship was killing me. I was in denial when diagnosed. I said “Oh yeah, it’s just hereditary, I couldn’t have prevented this anyway.” I made myself powerless to avoid the truth that I had worn my body down staying in a toxic situation.
When I stopped denying the truth I knew the blood pressure medication and a strong self-care practice would be key factors in my healing journey. The medication was doing damage control and my self-care practice was re-wiring the thought patterns that kept me hurting myself for so long.
As a relationship coach, I tell my clients if you want to find a really beautiful relationship or you just want the relationship you’re in to last, – start living. Naturally, by your willingness to live, you connect with your partner (or potential partners) without having to desperately fight to hold on to them or seek them out.
READ: My Story: “I Had To Fight For Every Inch”
The biggest piece in turning my health around was forgiveness. Sometime after the separation, I noticed I couldn’t even talk about the situation without getting angry, which of course, raised my blood pressure.
Here are a few tips to help you with forgiving:
This helped me get through heartbreak and high blood pressure to happiness and I hope it helps you, too.
Visit the BlackDoctor.org Stroke center for more articles.
Rashida KhanBey is a relationship and intimacy expert for singles and couples. The key to vibrant and long lasting relationships is moving beyond self-doubt to clarity and confidence. Rashida uses a mix of metaphysical wisdom, practical tools and dance to help women find and keep romantic relationships they’ve always dreamed of experiencing. Connect with her at www.womanuntamed.com.
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