Sometimes, in the fog of excitement, our vision is impaired, and this hinders our ability to see tell-tale signs and red flags. Even if you’ve been together for a while or even married, it’s important to know if this relationship will stand the test of time.
Despite what you’ve been taught, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience — it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the person you’re seeing is not even close to being “the one.”
Below, are 7 signs that may indicate they’re not for you.
If you’re fixating on their flaws, they’re either not the one you want or you’re not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting them loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet the one whose flaws you can embrace — or at least accept.
It’s important to identify how one person treats the other during a conflict. It could be an issue about money, family or any other issue. Is your partner respectful? Do they joke with you about it? Does it seem like it doesn’t matter to him/her? Or does your partner put you down, roll their eyes and treat you with utter contempt? These are signs of a lack of respect for one another.
Fighting is healthy. And, when done right (in the non-accusatory, rational sort of way), it can be a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all… even if it looks that way.
If you’re dating someone who recently got out of a relationship or just think back to how you met your mate–was it on the heels of their past relationship? You need to take notice if they have properly healed from it. This is especially important if sexual immorality was committed.
Having time in between relationships to heal is a good way of knowing whether they truly love you or if they are using you as they go through the stages of loneliness and withdrawal from the previous relationship.
Emotional separation is hard after a breakup. The withdrawals come, and waves of loneliness hit. If you allow them to heal properly, it will provide insurance for your heart.
It could be more than just different monetary lifestyles of having more money than someone. It could be as simple as giving and receiving. One of the biggest relationship reasons why people split up is because your partner is very good at taking, getting, asking for things, receiving… but not so good at giving, at helping, at sharing, at offering or volunteering. One of the things that many of us learn in our dating past lives was to say “yes” three times to whatever requests my partner made to me and a “no” to the 4th one, and start again and see whether the “no” was accepted with an understanding or with a resistance and a punishment. Also, just sit back and observe: how is he or she moving throughout life? Does is match your movement too?
Don’t ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he’s/she’s not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.
A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you’re hacking into their email account, and going berserk when they goes out without you, something’s wrong. If there’s something about them that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps they’re not the one for you.
If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship, you’re well aware that it can be both physical and emotional (even financial). Unfortunately, for many women (and men), we often don’t see the signs until it’s too late. In fact, what lies behind a mask of ultra-attractive confidence, lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism – and highly dependent on admiration. So, how does one differentiate between a narcissist and one displaying overt confidence? Here are 7 tell-tale signs you’re dating a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
They’re extremely charming.
According to Psychology Today, narcissistic personality disorder involves “arrogant behavior” and is often described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. A narcissist is convinced they “deserve special treatment.” So, it’s likely they charm the pants right off of you. They are the true definition of a “sales man,” knowing exactly what to say and when to say it, in order to get what they want.
They shower you with compliments…at first.
You’re the best thing since sliced bread in the beginning. They’ll build you up to gain your trust. But, behind all the sweet nothings, is a hint of “what’s in it for me?” His/Her restless praise (delivered charismatically, of course) may begin to make you uncomfortable and have you questioning their motives.
They lack empathy.
Don’t waste your time expressing your opinion. A narcissist will simply shoot you down, as they’re incapable of understanding that feelings exist (outside their own) or why you may be hurt. He/she may be bold enough to call you “sensitive,” or “weak” and advise you to “learn how to take a joke.”
On the flip side, his/her ego needs to be stroked at all times. Neglecting to do so is like stealing candy from a baby – expect one hell of a tantrum!
They thrive on control.
They’re a control freak. Don’t bother making plans for dinner, dates, holidays, or life in general. A narcissist is likely to talk you out of anything and everything that doesn’t meet their needs and/or wants.
Rules are to be challenged; boundaries broken.
They are above the law in every way and have a real issue with authority. Whether at work, in-home, or school, their innate sense of superiority means they regard boundaries as a challenge and find joy in manipulating the restrictions placed on them. In other words, “no” is not part of their vocabulary. So expect a fight around each and every corner.
Everyone either loves them or is jealous of them.
The opposite sex finds them irresistible or is viewed as below them. Either way, if you don’t adore them or accept their advances, then you’re a hater! Sometimes the narcissist will punish their naysayers by spreading rumors or trying to embarrass them publicly.
They have a long history of infidelity or bad break-ups.
Nothing is ever their fault. They have a lengthy history of infidelity – onset by a lack of control, desire for constant affirmation they’re God’s gift to the world, or simply because their better half won’t bend to their will. Often times they may voice that their previous relationship failed because their ex didn’t “pay enough attention” to them or there were “trust issues.” But don’t expect him/her to be forthcoming about said unfaithfulness. Chances are you’ll stumble upon it before he/she comes clean.
It’s Confirmed: Now What?
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, don’t hold you’re breath waiting for them to change. Trying to appeal to their sense of reason likely won’t work either. There are various coping strategies you can employ to manage being with them, but ultimately, it’s in your best interest to leave this toxic relationship.
-Ruthie Hawkins
By subscribing, you consent to receive emails from BlackDoctor.com. You may unsubscribe at any time. Privacy Policy & Terms of Service.
