While it’s no one’s intention to enter into an abusive relationship, many men and women find themselves victims of emotional and physical abuse. In fact, many who’ve escaped abusive relationships, which includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional or psychological abuse, swear they’ll never get into another one — only to find themselves in yet another sticky situation.
READ: When Sex Is Scary: Sigs You’re In A Sexually Abusive Relationship
Sadly, it takes an average of five to seven acts of violence before a woman leaves her abuser, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Considering about 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence, this is nothing to take lightly. A report from Planned Parenthood states African-American women reported higher rates of intimate partner violence (IPV) victimization than women of other races. So, how does one avoid entering into an abusive relationship in the first place? Learn to detect the early warning signs!
1. He pushes for quick involvement. He comes on strong, claiming he’s “never felt loved like this before.” He’ll insist on access: to your home and belongings. In some cases, involving children, he’ll begin to insert himself as a father figure — demanding respect.
2. Restless jealousy. He/she is excessively possessive. He’ll call and text constantly. Should you not respond in a “timely manner” he may pop up on you, at your home, work, or your favorite coffee spot, unannounced.
3. He insists you look a certain way. It may begin with suggesting you switch up your hair color. Only, before you know it, he’ll be telling you how to get your nails done, do your makeup or worse, dressing you. Sure, this sounds innocent – until it robs you of your identity.
READ: 8 Red Flags You May Be Dating A Sociopath
4. There’s isolation. He ensures he has ample time to spend with his family and friends. But once you mention you’re going to step out to do the same, tries to cut you off. He may deprive you of a phone or car, or even start a fight.
5. He blames others for his mistakes. Don’t expect him to take responsibility for his faults – he will ALWAYS place blame on someone else.
6. He makes you take responsibly for his feelings. The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I’m angry.” “I wouldn’t get so pissed off if you wouldn’t…” or “I didn’t hit you that hard. I was just playing. You just bruise easily.”
7. He’s insecure. God forbid the spotlight isn’t on him at all times. He will take the lack of attention as an insult – will often rant and rave about being disrespected – in some cases he’ll fish for compliments by asking if “something is wrong” with him. Without constant assurance he’s the best thing since sliced bread, he’s a total terror.
READ: Types Of Abuse You May Have Overlooked
8. He’s low-key cruel to animals and children. He thinks violence is funny. He may even expect kids to do things beyond their ability or tease them until they cry – then mock them while crying – all the while insisting that they “grow up.”
9. His uses “playful” force during sex. He enjoys choking you and will continue in a sexual act, even if you tell him it “hurts” or ask him to “stop.” He manipulates or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts – and likely leave immediately after he’s gotten what he wants.
10. He has sudden mood swings. He goes from one extreme to another: love to hate, within a matter of minutes. In severe cases, he’ll withdraw completely, locking himself in his room – looking for a reaction.
11. He degrades you. Initially, it may feel like he’s just playing around — when he makes that slight comment about your weight, ass, or boobs. Over time, the “jokes” will become more cruel. He’ll tell you to “chill out” or “learn how to take a joke.” He may even use vulnerable points about your past or current life against you.
READ: My Story: A Cycle Of Abuse That Had To Stop
12. There are rigid gender roles. He expects you to submit, serve, obey and remain at home.
If you feel your partner is displaying any of these behaviors, it’s possible you’re in an abusive relationship and should seek help from trusted friends, family or a local abused women’s shelter.
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