Many of us are familiar with Eartha Kitt’s famous interview on compromise.
In the discussion, Kitt shares that she is unwilling to compromise in a romantic relationship. She believed that she was to fall in love with herself and then invite someone to share the wonder with her. I understand her logic completely and I know it worked out for her. But, I’m pregnant with my first child and I have realized that I have to compromise with the father for the sake of my baby.
Before I dive into the meat of the matter though, it’s imperative that people understand what compromise is. Compromise is not folding under the weight of someone’s desires, whether it be a romantic interaction or otherwise. It is not constantly giving in without receiving anything in return. That is unhealthy. At it’s best, compromise is meant to maintain balance in an interaction and assure that both parties are being equally pleased over time.
There are pros to not compromising. You don’t feel like you’re losing anything and you know that what’s in your best interest will be fulfilled. When you compromise all of the time, you may start to feel (and others may view you as) weak and unfulfilled. It can send a signal that you are always willing to give something up for someone else and has the ability to make you a target for problematic individuals.
Just like there are pros to standing your ground, there are pros to compromise. For example, the speed at which some compromises can be reached makes a settlement much easier than a drawn-out conversation/argument. There are things in life that have to be decided on quickly and being stubborn can actually make a situation worse. Lastly, when you are compromising with someone who values and respects you, by letting go a bit, you are showing them that you value them and their needs as well.
As stated, I’ve personally chosen settlement because in my mind, as long as I’m doing what’s best for my child, I’m fine. I’ve had to get over myself a bit and fully realize that I’m bringing a person into the world. I don’t have time for the tug-of-war.
The major thing that the father of my child and I had to compromise on was our level of communication. There have been points where we haven’t spoken at all, and though the situation has sometimes made me want to not speak period, I try to keep in mind that he is my child’s parent. In the beginning, I wanted to correspond as often as possible about a variety of topics – such as my emotional state, my diet, money and shared responsibility. But, I had to realize that his mind and my mind operate on totally different planes. I can’t demand that he tighten up and get on my wavelength, nor will I stoop to his.
We recently agreed to speak primarily via text and a little less than I’d like, but it works. I still get a bit agitated at the irregularity of conversations and I irritate him at times, but I am well and so is my kid, so everything is everything. Compromise is not the end of the world to me and I see how much calmer I am because of it.
Brittany Wright, B.A in Creative writing and English – University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana, is an aspiring writer and creator of the She’s Wright blog. This black, millennial mom loves everything beauty, motherhood, and marriage related!
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