From not enough money to too much stress, there are many common triggers for relationship problems. But can your union be saved?
According to the top relationship experts, there are certain things you need to understand about yourself and your partner:
Relationships have three general phases: romantic, conflict and commitment. Unless they’re sending you a serious red flag, it’s hard to figure out if someone’s a keeper in the romantic phase.
“This is the stage where it’s all fun,” says Richo, a psychotherapist (DaveRicho.com) and author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships (Shambhala). “Neither person will show their dark side very much, so you don’t have a picture of the whole person.”
So when do you really know whether he’s that special someone? When the masks come off, says Richo. This is why fighting from the very start about money, work and how many times you have sex a week can threaten even the most promising unions.
What’s key is how you handle these relationship stages and work through relationship issues appropriately.
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“Making an emotional connection is what people hunger for the most,” says Sue Johnson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight (Little Brown and Company).
Recognizing and admitting that you’re emotionally dependent on your partner can transform key moments in your relationship and bring you closer than ever.
“All the evidence shows that when you feel safe, connected and sure, you’re better at taking care of your partner, at talking about everything from kids to sex,” Johnson says. As a result, you’ll have a more satisfying sex life.
People often feel ashamed about needing emotional ties. “Not just men either,” she says. “Women say this means I’m weak or immature. I shouldn’t need this comfort from him.”
Being taken for granted is one of the fundamental reasons for breakups.
Appreciation is what keeps us motivated and committed, both in our work and our relationships.
Remembering to compliment or notice the things our partner shows, we are grateful and increases the overall satisfaction with the relationship. Saying thank you goes a long way.
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