Many who have found themselves in caregiver positions are faced with increased physical demands, financial strain, time limitations, and mental fatigue related to the constant rollercoaster of situations that arise when you are responsible for the care of another person. Many tell me that they never expected to be in this situation.
If we’ve all been reminded of nothing else this past year it is that life is full of the unexpected. Some will be faced with the task to care for a loved one who has developed a terminal illness or left disabled after a stroke or accident.
For others, it may be caring for a parent who is aging and declining in ability or a child who has transitioned to adulthood and requires a substantial amount of care due to some sort of illness. Caregivers tend to put the needs of others before themselves and are so focused on their loved ones that fail to see the physical and mental toll that the caregiver role is taking on them. Caregiver fatigue is very similar to depression.
Many will ignore these symptoms because they are so overwhelmed, they can’t really see a way out of what they are feeling. In these instances, I encourage my patients to lean on controlling the things that they can control.
While they can’t change their loved one’s needs, maybe they can address their needs in a way that takes the edge off a little.
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I know that this is so hard to do but if help is available, ask. Being a caregiver should always be done by committee if possible because the burden is often too much for one person to realistically handle.
Oftentimes strained family relationships, pride, or worries of being a burden to others interferes with asking for help.
Even asking for a small favor can go a long way. Having someone sit with your loved one while you go to therapy or to dinner with a friend can be a great way to provide a much-needed break.
Taking on too much individually is unrealistic and not sustainable. Eventually, you will reach a level of physical and/or mental impairment if you consistently take on more than is reasonable.
Checking in with yourself and your support system regularly is a great way to ensure that you are being reasonable. Those who are closest to you are usually great at telling if you seem overwhelmed or if you are just doing too much!
It is true that knowledge is power. Learning as much as you can about your loved one’s condition can be very powerful and help you not feel as overwhelmed or helpless.
Being knowledgeable can help shape your expectations about their illness and make you a more effective caregiver. It may also make you aware of services that may be available to your loved one.
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Finding a therapist or clergy member for counseling can help you deal with the roller coaster of emotions that come with caregiving and provide a safe space for you to process your feelings. For some disorders, there are caregiver support groups.
You may also find more generic groups such as caregivers of adult children or caregivers of aging parents as examples. The benefit of this pandemic has been that the world has figured out how to provide a lot of services online so you may be able to find something on the internet that you can plug into for support.
If you have a history of depression or anxiety, it is recommended that you not allow that caregiver role to interfere with your usual follow-up since you and your loved one need the healthiest version of you available.
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