I have been doing a lot of reflecting on what the past year meant to me. Decisions I made, the people I surrounded myself with, moments when I should have told so-and-so where to take their kite and fly it, right swipes that should have been left…you know typical Millennial Drake-induced feelings.
I’ve used this reflection to clarify who and what I want to be moving forward. I am satisfied with the woman that I am chasing after. However, when panning out and looking at the wider scope of the impact my life has on others, I can’t help but think about the woman I claimed to love- I still hid her in the glaring light of Corporate America. So much so that when I went to see my doctor in August, she was on the verge of prescribing me blood pressure medication- because I was one micro-aggression away from stroking out.
How could this be? Where was this stress coming from? Was I not surrounded by think pieces, diversity orgs, and panel discussions- all centered around this “melting pot” mentality? So why was I on the verge of a breakdown?
The sad truth was that for as many times as I pulled my seat up to the table, either my seat was too short to see over it, or I was rushing into a meeting that no one had informed me of- so it was a lunch I never really felt welcomed to attend.
Basically, the people around me truly didn’t want change.
My story is the story of Blackness in corporate spaces because, even in 2024, we are STILL trying to find seats in environments that give lip service on wanting to address the lack of diversity, and harder still, how to truly be inclusive. And even for those who have mastered the politics of the game- they’re one IG story away from shattering the perception of the political correctness they have toed for so long.
We know the pressure cooker situations that continue to plague us working jobs that truly don’t see us. It’s the equivalency of being in the restaurant but being shushed by the Maître’D for being too loud.
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But didn’t you say I was welcome? Can’t you see the conflict of being told in one breath you can come inside just as long as you don’t bring your full self here?
This is the cycle that leads to mental health strain, hypertension, and countless other ailments- while simultaneously being told that we’re making a difference to make sure everyone has what? A seat at the table.
Frankly, I no longer want the seat if it’s going to be in an environment where I have to worry whether the chef did or didn’t do something weird to my scallops. I no longer want to hear the inflections of my loved ones change when at work, so much so that I can tell they’re on a company call without even having to be in the same room. I can’t take another mental battle of trying to play the passive-aggressive game of ‘”decipher that email”.
That is not what 2020 should look like- for any of us. So, I challenge us all, the hyper-seen and the marginalized, to stop asking for seats and to start kicking over tables, walking out, and building our own spaces. At the end of the day your mind, body, and doctor will thank you.
Joi’ C. Weathers is a contributing writer for BlackDoctor.org and the host of Joi’ Has Questions- one of the top podcasts in Chicago, Illinois. A graduate of Roosevelt University- where she majored in IMC and minored in Common Sense, she has worked on global creative campaigns for some of the world’s largest brands. A champion for the marginalized and a self-proclaimed mild sauce connoisseur, you can find her in her spare time eating kale, and minding her business with family and friends. Connect with Joi’ on Instagram, @Joihasquestions and subscribe to her show here.
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